Today is Kaleb's Due Date

Yeah, REALLY! He hasn't made his grand entrance yet, and the little stinker may not show face on his expected date. Maybe he thinks he should be fashionably late. Maybe he is just a procrastinator and always going to be late. Maybe he is like his daddy and gets comfortable and doesn't like change. Whatever the case, he is already getting on mommy's bad list.

I've been having pretty frequent contractions now for 3 days, but nothing consistent or in any way, shape, or form close to real labor. SO, he's just teasing me. AGAIN. WE did this about a month ago, and then the contractions stopped, and I started regressing (I had already begun to efface and dilate back then). We thought (and hoped) that he would come early, as the docs were saying he was getting too big, and he really did need to come early. So, I tried different things suggested, from pineapple, foot rubs, chiropractor adjustments, eggplant, walking. NOTHING has seemed to work (obviously). But now, here we are on his actual DUE DATE. Which means, I really shouldn't have complained that much until now. He has another 6 hrs and 15 minutes, otherwise, he is in DEEP TROUBLE! Ok, maybe not, but then drastic measures are going to be considered...

The docs even told me that he is so big already, and my edema/swelling is so much in my lower belly, that he doesn't even have room to drop if he wanted to... And, I've gained 70 lbs now!!! That is absolutely ridiculous! The doc told me yesterday that it took 9 mo to put it on, and may take longer to get it off. ARGH! I hope that is not the case! People kindly tell me that it doesn't look like I've gained that much, but no matter what people say, numbers do the talking. I'm popping this sucker outta me, and hitting the elliptical. :) ...Until all the weight comes off! :)

Ok, I know reality won't let me, but I can at least day dream, right?

Tick tock, tick tock.... He had better be getting ready for his grand entrance!!!!!

How RUDE!

If you know larry, you've learned you can't believe him as he jokes in his own larry way. For instance, every single time he calls his family, he tells them we already had the baby, in fact, twins, and gives them strange names. This has been going on for some time now, and you would think his family knows him well enough not to believe him.

Last night after some of his family left our place, we called his parents who had just returned from a funeral out west, with the intention of asking them if they REALLY wanted us to call them at 3 AM if we were headed to the hospital at such an hour. Krista (younger sister) picked up the phone, and as USUAL, larry joked that we were having the baby. Krista excitedly verbalized the news to the rest of the gang there: nancy, tyler, mikalyn, his mom and dad, and there was a huge chorus of cheers and excited "we're on our way!" Larry had to QUICKLY tell her that in fact, we STILL were waiting for Kaleb's arrival and not at the hospital, and Larry was promptly told that he was being hung up on, and the phone went dead. No jokes. HOW RUDE! :)

The Things we do...

I have so few clothes that fit me. Seriously. Saturday, I borrowed one of larry's pajama bottoms, which were STILL too small for me, but I had them sitting below my belly, wore one of his old raggedy t-shirts, and since my feet are so swollen, I was wearing the only pair of shoes that fit: my painting tevas, and socks. This is an outfit I would NEVER be caught dead in, at least not in public, but since it was all I really could fit, I wore it out for all the errands I ran. Humiliating. Here I am, a person that has a shoe and clothes fetish, wearing the most ridiculous things, because it's either that, or going naked...

And to top it off... I wore a SHEET to church on sunday. Yes, that's right, a SHEET. My only maternity skirt didn't fit, and ripped pulling on, and was impossible to wear. SO, it was either a sheet, or pants. Larry said he would pay me a dollar if I went through with it, and guess what? He had to pay up...

I tried to put the pic where it belongs, but I can't seem to figure out how to make google do what I WANT and put the picture HERE! It seems to think pictures can only go FIRST and nothing else... argh!

Anyway... By the picture above, obviously, I haven't had the baby yet. We have been in this funky phase for several weeks now, where we are operating under "any day now!" and are afraid to plan or schedule. But going this long that way is quite difficult. It hasn't happened, so we may as well start planning. For instance, might as well plan on doing something for New Years! Might as well plan on going back to work on Tuesday. Might as well start scheduling other things I kept putting off, thinking I might be in the hospital. It saddens me... this baby needs to stop being a pussy and GET OUT OF ME NOW!!!

Yes, I'm STILL here, and I'm STILL fat.

I need to get a T-Shirt that states "I'm Still Here!" We had hoped the baby would come last week (we being me, the doctors, and all my work friends). Apparently, Kaleb didn't feel like coming, and Larry was back and forth, mostly not wanting him yet (the phase of denial that will hit either one of us at different times). So, I'm still in that waiting mode, not sure when, and balancing the desire to get him out ASAP, along with health, along with him being too big, but not wanting to induce as it increases risks of C-section, blah blah. As everyone tells me, he'll come when he's ready. The only fear is, if he takes after Larry (which so far he has proven to do with his desire for apples, pasta, and boxing) he won't like change, and is quite comfortable where he is, and won't come out unless forced, and even then, he'll fight it... I just hope he'll take after me at least temporarily and want to get this party started!!!

On Saturday, I threw all chores to the wind, and decided to do the party scene. Not the REAL party scene mind you, I AM 9 months pregnant... But party in the social sense. In the morning, was our Church social, where I went (alone, thanks larry!) and enjoyed seeing the church social scene that we have recently moved into. People are so nice and helpful here, it's quite amazing! It's DEFINITELY different from where we came from. And there are so many young children, which is great for when Kaleb will be around...

I left there to grab larry, so we could go to my friend Eric's b-day lunch out in Maryland, our old stompin' grounds. We were calculating how long we'd known each other, and think it's approximately 13 or more years. We used to teach swing together ages ago!

From there, we went to the bookstore I used to work at while in grad school, and saw the owner, manager, and the last few employees that are still there... And while I socialized, larry bought my christmas present (and had to have our help to get it, so I'll have to act surprised anyway. :)

Then, we went to Emily and KC's christmas shindig! We crashed the party technically... as we had verbally been invited, but never got the whole invite and info... but Larry was soooooooooo pleased to have been able to go. He got to see his old buddies that he watched football with and enjoy hanging with all the little children. It made him want Kaleb to come, as he realized how he is going to enjoy being a father (at least some of the time!) :) What I found most interesting at that party, was how people didn't recognize me. We left the area 4-5 months ago, and most of the children there, I had taught in the church primary, some for YEARS. Only one, Elizabeth, recognized me. She's a smarty of course, and probably the youngest too! But the others, had to be reminded and prompted as to who I was! And even some of the adults admitted they didn't recognize me! This pregnancy has surely done a number to me! Children didn't even recognize me! And it wasn't just that I had a big belly, but my face seems to look different too!

Bonnie took some big belly pics of me on saturday, so when she emails them to me, I'll actually have a picture to post! :) he he he, if you want to see prego porn.

My special needs kittie, Tango... he developed a respiratory infection from the anesthesia and stress of it all during/after surgery, so now he's on 7 days of antibiotics. Plus, he's favoring one leg now, and larry and I have had to refrain from our usual teasing and playing with him. He's starting to get his personality back though, constantly meowing. Larry laughingly commented last night that he was grateful to hear his annoying meowing again, as it meant Tango must be starting to feel better.

And, just like humans, cat's have their issues too. Tango won't take medicine, and is such a finicky eater. Even at the vet, they can't get medicine down him, he spews it all over the exam room while being held down, and we all get covered with it. The trick I've FINALLY discovered to get him to take any medicine is the following: mix his medicine with yogurt (0ne of Jezi's favorite foods he used to stay away from until jealousy got involved), sprinkle crushed up cat treats on top of it, and then give it to him, while trying to keep Jezi away from it. I feel terrible for Jezi, as the poor thing LOVEs yogurt and is getting shafted, but the jealousy factor is the only thing that gets tango to eat his medicine. If she weren't around, he'd let it sit there and rot. But since she wants it, he'll eat it. It's totally ridiculous, but it is working, at least for now. Only 4 more days of this battle, hopefully! It makes me wonder what kind of creative tricks I'll end up using on Kaleb... :P

Today I have a chore list a mile long. It would probably only be half a mile long had I done WORK on saturday instead of playing and socializing, but it was a nice change from the constant chores. I think both Larry and I needed a little break. Besides, soon enough, there will be no such thing as fun, other than laughing with a baby... I'm predicting anyway, though I hope I'm wrong! Part of me thinks life is going to end (well, at least the life I've known thus far). But my brain (maybe not my heart yet) does realize that life is just beginning in a completely different way. Parenthood! YIPPEE!!! Bring it on...

Where's my Bellybutton?

This was truly a camera worthy moment... if only it wasn't packed up in the hospital bag in the trunk of the car...

Yesterday, I lost my bellybutton! The only way you could tell there USED To be a bellybutton there, was because the color of the skin was just a little different. But it was GONE!!! Kaleb must have stolen it. It wasn't popped out, it wasn't the little slit it's been. It was just absolutely GONE! Larry thinks I'm silly to be so obsessed with a belly button, but wouldn't you be weirded out if yours completely disappeared?

And there comes some serious questions from the fact. For instance, once Kaleb is born, does it just automatically re-appear? Or is there a procedure that has to occur from the inside to pull the skin back in? or will it be gone forever? these are life changing questions!!!

And of course it happens on the day that both docs I saw said my body is regressing, and moving away from giving birth. My back/pelvis is locking up, I've been running a low grade fever, and must be fighting a bug of some sort, instead of prepping for having a baby! And meanwhile, my bellybutton has gone missing!!!

Don't forget the Pets!!!

My poor cats (and fish too for that matter) have had a traumatic weekend. (which means if you love them, so have you!) :)

Jezi is my sweet, lovable cat. She was so scared and worried, as her brother, Tango, wasn't here for the first time in her life ever (he was at the animal hospital having surgery). She was underfoot (not like her, though like Tango) and crying and obviously upset, not knowing why Tango wasn't around. She was also getting into everything and being a little stinker, which is usually Tango's job. In our new townhouse, there is this 3 story drop, which is basically like an empty elevator shaft, so if you're on the top floor, you can yell down to the basement, as it's all open. At the very bottom, sits my aquarium.

Sat morning, Jezi was crawling between the stairway slat thingies (I have no idea what they are called) and was dangerously balancing on the edge. Next thing I knew, she went falling down that empty elevator shaft area, she landed right in the aquarium, busting the top light and cover for it, and swimming for her life, unable to get out as it was too deep. Thankfully, Larry was close by to her, and helped her out of the water. She went flying upstairs dripping wet. As she ran, I had to laugh, realizing she must not have been hurt, just scared and sopping wet. It was one of those moments you'd want to have on video. While I spent efforts trying to dry Jezi while she squirmed and shivered, Larry tried to fish out of the fish tank bits of plastic and car hair that were abundantly floating in the water. I'm predicting we loose a few fish from the escapade...

Tango is my special needs, bullying, very vocal, mean, but pretty cat! He sadly earned himself a declaw surgery this weekend, which broke my heart. I have never done it until now, thinking it inhumane, but now that there is just more than me involved, had to agree to get it done, as he has clawed at people, and more especially so... children. If he ends up hurting Kaleb, Larry will kick him out without a thought. So it was a way to hopefully keep him in the family... but oh so painful and hard to do! He of course caused trouble getting to the vet, at the vet, and since... that is just him... but the poor thing came home yesterday. He spewed out the pain meds at the vet (just like he spews anything you try to give him other than a treat or food, which is why I gave up giving him anxiety meds as he won't eat them even covered up in treats). So, he didn't have much pain medication in him, his paws are all bloody, and the poor thing is a wreck. I spent yesterday locked up in the room with him, trying to provide him some comfort, even though he spent most of the time under the bed. When I'd leave the room, thinking he was just under the bed and didn't care, he would come out and cry and howl at the door, so I'd go back in. I guess my company was all I could do for him, but it was something. And there are several more days of this. He keeps bleeding, and is obviously in pain.

But, to put a different twist on it, when I went to the vet to pick Tango up, there was an older, military looking gentleman inside, with a small animal carrier on his lap, his hand inside stroking his loved one, and tears rolling down his face. I didn't want to stare or ask questions, giving him as much privacy as possible, but in keeping my eyes away from him so he had more space, I tried to catch on to what the situation was. The vet tech came out to ask a few questions, and I overheard enough to realize that he was there to put his baby to sleep. It totally broke my heart. I felt for both of them, but didn't know how to offer comfort, other than letting him have his privacy and not looking at his tears and pained face. I think after my ache and pain for them sunk in, part of me realized that it could easily be me doing that someday for either one of my cats. What an absolutely heart breaking moment for that man, and eventually, when it is my turn to be in his shoes.

SO, when I got Tango, this grieving gentleman was also leaving at the same time, empty handed, and he had parked right next to me, so I saw the look in his eye, probably of jealousy that I still had my pet. I put tango in the car, who was howling and screaming and very much vocalizing how unhappy he was. I had to laugh almost the whole way home, realizing I had my tango still, and he still had his little personality. Instead of letting his howls and cries hurt me, I had to laugh, as each one said he had fight and spunk left in him to fight and hopefully heal quickly. I have him for a while longer, for which I am grateful. Don't ask me why, because apparently, I am the only person in the world that could love this crazy cat, but I do love all of my babies!

Back to complaining :)

I don't think there is a SINGLE piece/part of me that is the same. Seriously. Even my face has gotten fat in the last week. People tell me I look good, but hey, they are the ones that never saw me BEFORE I was pregnant. SO they have no idea...

And I'm serious, from my head to my toes, everything is bloated and HUGE. From my nails: that rip and crack and tear because they are so weak (whoever said that pregnant women have good hair and nails? BAH!) My body shape, OBVIOUSLY is unrecognizable. My thighs are at least 2ce the size they once were, as is my Butt. My well defined veins/muscles in my feet and legs are no longer, it's just bloated fat flesh. My bellybutton? what is that? well... it has actually proven quite entertaining this past week. Most of the pregnancy, it just squished out to this tiny flat slit that looked quite funny... as it was all stretched out, but small to begin with. In the last week, it's been "prairie doggin' it" (A line from Rat Race, with a different connotation.) All throughout the day, I find myself pulling up my shirt to see the current state of it. All of a sudden, it will appear, and have somewhat of an almost indent. Next thing you know, it's popped out like a turkey thermometer in a tiny little mountain of wrinkles that move funky when I breathe. It is constantly changing, from basically gone, to popped out. I guess it's because Kaleb keeps moving around, and he must be playing with it from the inside...

Sat night I started having the braxton Hicks contractions, which kept on going pretty strong through Sun afternoon. Premature labor I suppose, as OBVIOUSLY I am still pregnant. I was getting psyched, ready to pop this sucker out. Then, after it didn't happen, reality started hitting, and I started getting scared again. Started thinking I don't want to be a parent. Can we turn this all around now? :) I know it's too late, and basically, I just have to get over my fear.

Larry was super sweet today, and between the 2 of us, we composed a list of over 70 reasons why we should be excited for Kaleb to be born. Larry is trying to help me find that part of me that wanted to be a parent, because as soon as I find it, I'm going to be ready to get this baby out of me again. :) Kaleb keeps dropping and coming back up (just like my belly button) so obviously it's related to my psyche. If I could just get back on track, I'll get this ordeal over with!!! :)

The PRINTABLE, SHARABLE items we came up with are as follows:

1. no more nausea
2. ability to exercise again
3. no desire to constantly eat to stop the nausea
4. the feeling of love as we hold him!
5. playing with our baby and seeing him smile. :)
6. Parenting joy we are told we'll have
7. Jokes and humor around bodily functions (as if we haven't started, only now it will be the baby, and not pregnant mamma)
8. ability to bend and sit without making loud groaning sounds
9. less nasal issues and bloody noses
10. once he's here, we can figure out what we still need and get more organized (is that wishful thinking?)
11. I might actually get some more sleep! if I'm different from the majority that is!
12. happiness in watching our son grow
13. fun playing games with him
14. enjoyment in doing stupid little silly things that he thinks are hilarious
15. meet more parents/friends to interact with, with an easy opening, as kids always make it easy to start a conversation
16. I'll finally be able to get the bathroom turned into Kaleb's bathroom :)
17. new media to enjoy (all those lovely kid movies!)
18. joy/fascination as they enjoy new things, watching their awe
19. playing sports with Kaleb!!
20. going trick or treating with him
21. feeling the excitement of Christmas again through his excitement
22. wanting grand kids to spoil, and Kaleb is the means to an end... :)
23. we'll be healthier because we'll have to eat our vegies with kaleb
24. playing video games
25. doing funny dances
26. giving high fives
27. feeling the love for our son and each other swell inside of me!
28. Watching our boy pass the sacrament
29. teaching him how to tie his shoes
30. Taking him to his first football game
31. standing alongside his crib and thinkin"awwwh, what a cute baby"
32. having him hold onto my finger with his little hands
33. marveling at the God's power and the gift of life
34. appreciating my wife more and more every day for all she does for me and Kaleb (yeah, I didn't write that one) :)
35. Hearing him say I LOVE MOMMY!!!
36. Hearing him say I LOVE DADDY
37. Watching him learn new things, like playing the piano or whatever music he likes
38. Seeing what talents he picks up and arguing who he got them from. :)
39. Watching him treat others nicely, sharing, loving and how it makes your heart swell
40. Watching his testimony grow, as hopefully we will be good examples and teachers about Christ
41. The innocence that comes from a young child/baby that reminds you of God and what is good
42. dressing him in those cute baby clothes (Larry came up with that one, believe it or not!)
43. feeling proud of him as he becomes a righteous man
44. teaching him to Love God
45. focusing on him rather than on myself (another good larryism)
46. taking him swinging in the park (get your mind out of the gutter!)
47. going to the water park with our family
48. going on hikes and bike riding as a family
49. family home evening!! lessons, games, and DESSERT! :)
50. piano lessons
51. watching him play with the cats and torment Tango ;)
52. feeling his joy and excitement for life
53. playing catch with him
54. Seeing how much you love him, and what a great mom you are!! (again, how sweet is larry?)
55. Hearing you say I forget how difficult my pregnancy was... (now that was a big time joke by larry!)
56. singing and hopefully watching him love music (and not just 80's like his daddy...)
57. learning how to be better parents than mine were, even if I make mistakes along the way
58. Growing spiritually due to love/concern for our son
59. Watching larry be a daddy
60. DDR!!!
61. learning patience (I'm a little afraid to say that). ;)
62. getting ice cream after school
63. school plays
64. Loving Kaleb's MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Did I marry a sweet guy or what?)
65. btw, the 80's were the BEST!!! so... teaching Kaleb that the Celestial Kingdom will be an eternal 80's....... (and that he has a funky sense of humor?)
66. Watching daddy and kaleb play with each other, eat ice cream together, exercise together
67. eating mac n cheese while daddy decides he'd rather eat spinach as a good example
68. Eating lots of Mommy's GOOD COOKING! :)
69. Teaching Kaleb how to cook (if that's me, it'll be how to pour a bowl of cereal) -- guess who said that one?
70. Rooting for the Redskins
71. Jumping on the Trampoline at Grandmas
72. Seeing Ginny's excitement!!
73. Witnessing his marriage!!
74. Grandchildren!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
75. Teaching him to respect nature and animals which God created.
76. he could be used as baby Jesus in a family nativity next year! :)
77. learning from his innocence and sweetness

Wow.... DECEMBER!

It's hard to believe December is already here! It's been a long road getting to this point, but I'm glad we're finally here in December for several reasons. :) I LOVE the holidays, especially the smells, lights, decorations, and giving spirit that generally abounds. And thankfully, the smells of the season make me smile and appreciate, rather than barf or dry retch... yet another good thing!

Also, this month, my life will change forever. I'll apparently loose all my dignity (the little I had to begin with anyway). I'll expose my entire body to millions of eyes, and I'm told I won't even care. I'll probably even poop on the table in front of them all too, I'm told! But, after I poop out what I'm told feels like a watermelon, I'll have something special and scary to care for. And the cats are going to be jealous. And I'm hoping the nausea is going to stop, along with the dizziness and inability to exercise or even bend over. :) Sure, I'll be exhausted, but what's new? I'm not sleeping as it is (yeah, it's 5am and I'm up typing in here...), and if I get to have less body weight to cause searing back pain, less nausea, less blacking out to be exhausted with, sounds GREAT to me! :) Plus, I can get back to eating my favorite spicy foods again... maybe... Nursing will determine that I suppose. But it is quite a concept to wrap my brain around, having a baby. Not just the birthing part, which is scary, but the parenting part that comes afterwards...

For a while, I was so scared of the birthing part, the exposure, violation, loosing of all dignity, pain, blah blah blah. I still am, but maybe I'm trying to forget about it somehow, so I'm moving more into wanting to just get it over with. I want this baby OUT of me! and NOW! OK, to be safe, next week. But seriously... I'm ready to buckle down and loose my dignity, and as soon as possible. Get on to the NEXT phase... the parenting part. The part that is supposed to bring the most anger/frustration, and joy. :) The part that we never seem to be ready for, despite age, life experience, or whatever.

I'm very grateful for this pre-natal class we took. It was Bradley Method, so a 12 week series. Last night was our last class, so we are excited to get our Sunday evenings back (if only temporarily), but both Larry and I are very grateful for the education we received in the class. Knowledge is power, and knowledge definitely helps in this whole birthing thing about to happen. I have a better idea of what to expect, which takes SOME of the fear away. We also learned that if we want this baby to come early (.... um, yeah, that includes ME!!!) to eat fresh pineapple, egg plant dishes, take some evening primrose, and talk to this baby, convincing him to come early. So, once I'm back from doctor appointments today, I plan on buying those items. Larry wants Kaleb to be born on Dec 23rd. I could live with that, as it's not LATER, but honestly, I'd prefer more the week of Dec 15th. :) So, if you see some humongous, gargantuan prego lady doing jumping jacks while stuffing down egg plant or pineapple... don't fear, it's just crazy me! :)

On the parenting frontier, thankfully I've had some beautiful examples of late. My line of work generally leads me to see the kind of parenting I would NEVER want to do, the kind that makes me wish NO ONE was allowed to have children without major extensive testing and education and proving of themselves before they are allowed to even get pregnant. But I've seen some good parenting lately. The kind that initially shocked me, as I forgot good parenting DOES exist out there in the world, even though I don't see it. (I see all the bad parenting apparently... which keeps me in business to try and see the positive of it.)

For example, we had our friends over this past Friday with their adorable 18 month old. She hadn't had a nap, and was naturally fussy. She started screaming, and her mom asked her what needed to happen, and her mom lovingly, patiently diffused the situation (which occurred multiple times due to her not getting her nap) and was teaching this 18 month old alternative ways of dealing with her frustration. It just amazed me, and I realized, that even though I've taught parenting for the past 15 years or so, I have absolutely no clue how I'm going to be myself under the gun with my own child... So I'm very happy that I have some good teachers around me. While in Church yesterday, I got to watch my idol mom and her 4 kids. One of them started ripping pages out of the bible, and after the bible was taken from the cute little boy, the next thing I saw was him sitting on his mom's lap, lovingly being talked to. Of course I couldn't hear what was said, but just the way he was being treated by his mom was obviously done in a loving and teaching way, which just made me happy. There are good parents out there, and I hope to become one of them someday.

I expect to make mistakes, I expect Larry and I will have many disagreements on things, but I am COUNTING on God helping us raise this little boy joining our family, and helping us not turn him into a psycho lunatic...